In the Belly of the Glitter Freeze
by NorthernSkye
Summary: She was nothing more than a machine...until, she started developing human emotions of lust and passion for her creator. He loves the person she embodies. Will she fight to gain Murdoc's love? Or make the biggest sacrifice anyone can endure...watching their loved one slip away forever?
1. Chapter 1

The fog started slowly trailing in. A path of charcoal clouds isolated our home from the rest of the universe: both internal and external. The sunlight lay behind a blanket of darkness. My life's bliss, tainted…spoiled by the sheer fact that he would never love me. How would I ever know what "love" represents, how "love" feels when you conceptualize it into reality? Is "love" a memory, a whisper, the soft glide of lips against a cheek? Was I was programmed to experience the game…or will I forever feel hollow, trapped within the passionate realm of the "glitter freeze" forevermore? Why did he do this to me? Why did my unconventional Romeo create me in the eyes of his Juliet, yet never taste the fruits of his splendor? Programmed in the bowels of perpetual damnation...my loneliness and I will battle ceaselessly to gain what I was never born to possess: love. I may forever be a machine, serving him in his personal devices, but I'll be damned if I just throw in the towel so soon and watch as he goes waltzing by without being devoted to me…and me alone.


	2. Chapter 2

I detected hands all over me.

Humans can feel _the touch_…yet, I am a mere bystander within my own life. I'm within and without. Eyes opened and the first person I saw was him. My Master.

He shed a devilishly crooked smile and hissed through his teeth, "Well, well, well…hello, love."

"H-h-hello…Murdoc", was the only response I was able to muster due to him turning off my sleep mode so abruptly. It was 3:30 in the morning.

"Now, love, I know it's early but think hard…ok? I need you to recall a certain program, a file of some sort; I planted in your memory dock several weeks back…do you still have it?"

"Yes, yes I do…I still haven't upgraded yet, just as you have ordered me to…until the time was right."

"Well, I need you to start the download…now."

His voice was cold and stern as if strict business was being conducted between two clients...the bitterness left me questioning his reasons behind the urgency. What did this program contain and why was it of importance to me?

"Before I do what you have commanded of me, Master…what does this file consist of?"

I hardly, if ever, asked Murdoc questions. Especially one as flagrant as to what his motive was behind this spontaneous advancement.

He paused drawing in a jagged breathe. "It's a simple defense upgrade…that deals with certain…err…'agreements' I've made with notable 'people', and if things ever escalated between me and those 'people'...we would know how to fight back…_you_ would know how to fight back...if and only if, need be necessary. Noods it's very simple really."

I sighed. A heavy compression against my chassis made it hard to breathe. The sensation was foreign to me. I knew exactly what the deviant bass player was talking about. With sweet solace, he attempted to sugar coat his plans…but those words of retaliation were expelled like a bullet between his teeth. With my creator, unfortunately, selling his soul to the devil and escaping death's grip at every turn…any dark force could rise and take him away from me and the rest of the band mates. The details of his latest run-in with the Prince of Darkness is still unknown to my knowledge…but I figured I would let that inquiry answer itself. All in all…he solely created me to protect him and he would not accept anything less of me. Period.

"Well...Master…is it an…_immediate_ upgrade?"

"Oh no, my dear…" he said in a soothing hum as he swept my violet tresses away from my face. "The composition of this digital file is so dense, that it's estimated to take at least three weeks to fully be downloaded into your system…so that is why, the time is now to take action, love."

"Take…_action_? Are we in danger, Master?" I paused as if timid to ask the second half of my question. "Are _you_ in danger?"

He started to unplug me, reaching behind my waist, behind my neck…the hinges of my legs grew free to stand on their own. Murdoc looked at me pleased, as if I was all he ever needed; his expression engulfed me in a grand form of accomplishment. I was perfect. He designed me perfect. Together, we are perfect...but, beyond his perfection...I couldn't help but notice his air of confidence morph into an emotion of weakness and doubt. I knew then and there, I was all he had.

"I can't answer that clearly. Point is…I don't know. I won't know until that time has come… ", he responded coolly. I admired him. I felt he wasn't trying to coward away from the reality he took on for himself, but with that being said…I grew concerned by the possibilities that could potentially unfold _if anyone_ tried harming him.

Murdoc continued as he lifted me up and placed me delicately on his lap, "Love, you are a machine…a cold and deadly weapon I have designed to take on any foe that may bring us harm…but…these foes won't be defeated so easily. Bullets won't kill them."

If physical destruction wouldn't pose a threat to these demons…then _what would?_


	3. Chapter 3

The flick of a delicate finger initiated the download sequence.

Modules began chiming in the back of my head…not loud…but ever so faintly, as if static noise began to wither away in a perpetual hum. Murdoc reassured me that I would not need to be locked in hibernation mode during the process; I could go about my daily routine and be unharmed. Each passing day I would grow stronger, leaving little to no room for foolish mistakes to creep in. As soon as my sleep mode would end each morning…a new memory, skill, or secret would flood in, and it would be my task to soak in every minute detail regarding "the plan".

A soft pat on the head with plastic gloves and a voice that sent my neutral reaction into an enchanted haze whispered from behind me, "That should do it, love. I have also installed thoughts, attributes, attitudes…everything – _and I do mean everything_ - you need to know about me. If _anyone_ was going to attack us, you need to be the one who knows me best."

"Well…Master…don't you think _talking to me_ would be more…umm…proactive, more useful, than a mere download?"

A rush of soft giggles floated between my thin lips. It was hard to camouflage my adoration for him, especially during moments such as these.

"Hahaha! Darling, I _don't talk_ to anyone…I'm a lone wolf leading this pack to greatness, that's it. Nothing more…"

The confidence in his voice grabbed me in a way that no other could duplicate. If _the touch_ had a sound, it was Murdoc's voice…his call that reverberated in the depths of my metal makeup. It had grown intoxicating to me…a vital part of my existence. He wrapped his arms around my waist and softly laid me on top of him in bed. Surprised by the notion, my breathing grew heavy and made it hard to act graceful in his presence.

"Mm…Master?"

Confusion set in.

"Don't worry, love. I just want to hold you, cradle you, and lay with you is all." He said in a demure hush.

"Ok…" Comforted as my words spilled out, I paused. "May I…discuss something with you, Murdoc?"

"What's haunting you?" His brow grew strained.

"Why don't you _talk_ to me…about the feelings that flutter in your mind? _Do you not want my company?_"

My voice grew stern, demanding of an answer. I was not going to have him dodge the bullet when it came to our relationship, whatever that consisted of.

"I...I don't know what to talk to you about...you frighten me…"

I chuckled to myself believing his statement was a joke of some sort…it wasn't. His gaze penetrated my indestructible façade. That statement of his was loaded with dense sentiment, and so, my laughter quickly drowned in his misery.

"How so, Master?"

"Well, I don't '_talk'_ to women. We do other…'_activities'_ with each other that don't necessarily concern words. It is hard to explain my feelings quite right." He paused with his devilishly, amber colored eyes fixed on me. Frozen. "Oh, love…what a shame…you have such a beautiful face…a familiar face. What a shame! Those rhinestone eyes of yours haven't looked upon my face _like that_ in ages! What a shame! I miss you…more than you will ever know…"

Rolling his fingers into a cup like form, he began stroking the edges of my chin. Sadness flooded over his face. How could he miss me when I lay there right beside him? A sink of heavy emotion clouded my judgment. This was the first moment I felt more than…a machine to him.

"But…Murdoc…I'm here…I have never left your side…nor will I ever _leave_ your side."

I grabbed his clammy face for the first time, unafraid of the consequences that could follow. I felt dominant over him. My legs straddled his hips, my eyes feasted in his brilliance, my mind…on the brink of madness…it felt…wonderful.

_What am I experiencing? Am I short circuiting? Was I violated by a stubborn virus?_ _Does my electric soul…sense emotion?_

"My dear, you have left me…and I don't know when you will find your way back into my life. You are not…_you_…"

"Your words puzzle me…and I don't plan on accepting them as fact. I am me. I am Noodle."

His head rested firmly on the vermillion hued pillow.

"You are..."

His words came to a brief halt before murmuring softly against the ridges of my ear the single word that set the tone of this and future conversations...

"Beautiful."

Then, as if a whirlwind of blurred bliss tore through our room, the lips that spoke "_the touch"_ graced my lips.

I felt nothing…yet, _everything_ at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

Wires, wires, and more…wires.

These red, yellow, black and blue chains of mine constrained me to the solitude of this room. Many days would blur together as the confinement would tick away at me…but, this morning, all I could focus on was the form of Murdoc's silent body lying in bed. There are things about this man that terrify me to the core…but as I'm starting to discover man behind the madness, I know I would never protect another.

_Have I fallen in love?_

I mean…love, the way Murdoc has encrypted in my system, is built on the grounds of fear, held deeply by the roots of admiration and power…maybe, my Master is my one true weakness.

The idol of my devotion began to stir with beams of sunlight gracing his shut eyes. I quickly dislodged the wires from my head and arms to lay by his side. His arm stretched across my metal frame as he rolled over to face his body in my direction…his head began to nestle itself in the comfort of my shoulder.

"Mmmm…Noodle, my love…good morning," he dazedly said under a sigh.

A gentle tone overtook me as to not startle the quiet that filled the room. "Good morning, sir…is the sun too bright?"

"No…not bright enough." Murdoc's words floated through a lazy yawn with eyes still closed. "The sun cannot possibly compete with your presence…it sheds the purest of light into these demon days, dear."

I felt my face grew warm – fact was my system was overheating at a fast rate – nonetheless, an elated giggle swept through the room. His eyes opened. The happiness of seeing those brooding irises of his stare only at me enticed the notion of exploring this feeling of _love_ more in depth. I began to sweep the dark locks of hair softly away from his face all while humming "_On Melancholy Hill_".

"_Up on melancholy hill, there's a plastic tree. Are you here with me? Just looking out on the day of another dream…well, you can't get what you want, but you can get me_, _so let's set up and see. 'Cause you are my medicine when you're close to me…when you're close to me…_"

Those words soothe me as much as _the touch_. Melancholy Hill, from what 2D has shared with me, is sacred ground for Murdoc. That is the one place, if he is not here in his room or in the foreboding cave of his study, that someone would surely find him. Many people misconstrued the idea of our beloved bass player, seeing him only as a leader with no real substance other than his sex appeal, when that is certainly not the case. Little does the public know that Murdoc writes most of the lyrics for the band…yet, Stuart receives most of the credit. 2D can barely even form a decent sentence without having Murdoc knock some sense into him from time to time.

"Oh love, the song sounds a million times better when your precious, little voice sings it…so much better than face ache's nasty screeching! Hahaha!"

I grinned at his compliment. The lyrics moved me as much as _the touch_ inspired me to as human as possible. Stuck inside the bubble of Murdoc's alluring music makes being a part of his life worth any deficiency that may set us apart.

"Who did you write that song for?" Unashamed by my crudeness, I demanded to know.

"Hahaha!" A belch of high volume laughs emerged deep within his throat. He held on tightly to his stomach as if it would jump right out of his body and scurry away. Even Murdoc's overwhelming laughter oozed _power_. "Well, little darling, what makes you think I wrote '_On Melancholy Hill'_ for someone?"

"Because…I always see you up there," I pointed out the hilltop that lay beyond his grimy window. "On Melancholy Hill…gazing out into the distant horizon. Waiting. What are you waiting for, sir?"

An eyebrow was raised and a flirtatious smirk was formed on his mouth.

"Jesus, love! You sure ask a lot of questions…more questions then there are answers, I can assure you." He leaned deeper into my personal space…close enough to where I sensed his _touch_ nearing me again. "Are you keeping tabs on me?"

"No…but, I _do_ find you intriguing. I lay right here on your bed…and I wonder what it is you are thinking about when you sit up there all alone…you look angry…and at times, I find you, oddly, talking to yourself. It worries me. What is it that you are waiting for? Who are you talking to when you are up there by yourself?"

Murdoc was right…I ask way too many damn questions.

His face tightened and a hint of his snake like tongue peeked out, licking his lips.

"No one. I talk to no one but myself…that is all you need to know." He continued. "Melancholy Hill…is a part of me. It symbolizes something deep within me…it brings out, a _different_ me. The song is…uhh…a story, really, a fairytale."

"About…what?"

"Darling, you must love to pry." A sly wink was winced on his face as he continued on. "It's a story about a man who sits on top of that hill – everyday – waiting for his love to find him again. She is the only reason that he continues to live on. The man…could potentially die up there…wishing and waiting and never again see the rhinestone eyes he once fell in love with. _That_ is what the song is about and _that_ is why I go up on Melancholy Hill…to endure what that man must be suffering through."

My face grew heavy.

"Does…the girl ever come back?"

Murdoc's eyes turned a flush vermillion hue. A scathing snarl growled through his teeth as he answered, "I don't know…their story has just begun."

I can't understand what it feels to adore someone to the point of pain, when I, myself, have just uncovered the matters of the heart.

"Master…what does it mean to _love_ someone? How would you know that _you_ are in love…"

"Well…uhh…" With mental hiccups causing him trouble to find the right words to respond back to me, he withdrew for second, paused and began to light a cigarette. "…love, well…are we talking specifics or what?"

"Just in general."

"Well, to _love_ someone is to _know_ someone…at least, that is what a wise, young girl told me long ago. When you find yourself infatuated with that other person…obsessed…even with their little mannerisms, their wellbeing…knowing full well you would sacrifice, not the world, but _the universe_ to make that other person happy in the end…_that_ is when you know, love has found _you_."

Murdoc's eyes began to swell. He turned his head away as if he couldn't bear to look at me another moment. A sense of concern washed over me as I was now gazing upon his exposed back. What did I do? My hand continued to run down along his spine, almost as if begging him to turn back around…

"Murdoc…please?"

"Love…you're not real. You are an illusion…meant to feel nothing." He said sternly under soft tears. "I'm sorry…I genuinely am, but…it's the truth…I'm sorry for kissing you the other night…if you were any other woman I wouldn't have cared…it would have been yet another meaningless night to me, but it didn't. With you, I feel too much. I'm sorry for giving you hope of being more than what you were designed to be."

My hand lifted off of his back. My face felt like curling into itself…but, no tears escaped my eyes. The words cut like knives and all that was left was an empty, disheartening stir of sick reality in his apology.

"Master?"

He began to prop himself to sit at the edge of his bed…still, reluctantly facing away from me and staring into the sun with eyes wide open.

"Please Noodle…no more questions. Just leave me alone."


End file.
